I Find myself at my wits end, burnt out, sick and a victim of today’s modern rat race. The priviledge to suffer indeed. I’ve taken the week off to find myself, but mostly to move, back into my parents house to build a foundation for my dreams though I dont really know what they are at this point. I now see that this is the pitfall of the era before us. Living day to day, finding happiness in the small moments that we are able to. There is a sense of beauty and strength in that. But in an era where individualism is force fed to us through years of conditioning and subliminals, how is a modernite to find self fulfillment while fighting to survive an society that is quicky evolving.

Eh all of that is old news, really. That is the reality of coming to age, finding ourselves in the chaos of the modern age.

I recently had an insight as to the pointlessness of pondering the right or wrong decision. I realized that there really is no true perception of “right” or “wrong” just the projection of what others found to be true for them in the circumstances that they were bright up in. Every decision, choice that we make leads to a diffeernt outcome and thats all that there really is. We can try to forsee where the decision will lead us, what road we might end up on with no way back. But the ramifications of that is that who we become are a summation of every choice that we’ve ever made. for some reason saying this now, seems incredibly obvious, yet in the moment of that enlightenment, it felt very profound. As it means that we are in a sense in control of our own destinies, that we can walk the hero’s path should we chose to. But it takes understanding that there is no right or wrong path for that, there are only decisions that lead us closer to that path, or further away from it. Being lost in the hustle bustle of it all, it becomes so incredibly hard to see.

Who do we aim to be? What choices do we make that get us closer to there?

What earth are we trying to create? What does a bright future for humanity look like and how do we take steps to get there?

This is Shangri-La to me (i have no actual historical context as to what this actually is) it is the possibility of all humanity could be. All that is, and could be.

The hero’s path is one who’s choices, bring us closer to that reality.

Honestly, I dont want to post this, I find that what I have said might be plainly obvious, but in a way i feel compelled to create, speak my mind, and put my thoughts out there even though I dont feel that it is worthy at all. But I see now that that, is the beginning of my path. To create and create and create. To refine and hone a craft that just needs initiation. And that act in itself is a step forward closer to the path to shangri-la.

– CHI 04/21/26